Bumper Sticker…

Christian Car

If your car has more than two bumper stickers on it describing the advantages of your particular faith practice or the disadvantages of others who do not believe exactly as you do, accept that you don’t have the deep and personal relationship with Jesus you imagine but rather an addiction to promoting yourself to others.  Immediately fire your pastor and take a razor blade to your bumper.

Abortion…

Camel needle

If you find yourself in a perpetual state of uproar over the issue of abortion, yet drive a BMW from your mini-mansion to an upscale church in the suburbs where you put your children in an exclusive private school, that anger you feel is the reality of avoiding what Jesus actually talked about; helping the poor, dangers of wealth, being stuffed deep down in your soul so you can focus on self serving interests like abortion.  The issue of abortion is but a great guilt relieving balm for the modern evangelical, it soothes a troubled soul searching for truth by creating an issue never addressed as important by the master, instead allows one to live a a sad lie by avoiding the responsible fiscal sacrifice taught clearly by Jesus of serving those with much less and focus on a paraded straw man.

Fire your pastor and read the bible for yourself and for goodness sake, don’t take what it said from the pulpit as the only truth.

Drink of death…

th-1

If you feel you can divine another’s eternal destiny based upon their consumption of alcohol, while you drink copious amounts of coffee each and every day, you might have a major judgment issue and a little problem with caffeine.  You should fire your pastor and soon learn the finer points of a good Chardonnay.  Your life will be changed for the better.

Partisan Faith…

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This coming from students at my daughters school.

If you believe that people can’t be good, pure, and active christians living out their faith each day unless they are also committed Republicans, you’ve lost your F’ing mind and need to not only fire your pastor who reenforces this inbred thinking but also throw your TV set that only plays one station out the window.

Just Saying…

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Consider these words as you protest once again on the wrong side of humanity.

Answerman….

mr-know-it-all

If you’re taught that every answer to every situation for every person regardless of their individual circumstances is clearly found in the bible, you’ve been fed a pack of lies…quickly fire your pastor and begin making amends to those you’ve harmed in the quest to enhance your ego offering unsolicited advice.

Beatings…

whipping-a-kid

If the message you hear on parenting in church involves unbridled beating of children justified by the antiquated passage of “spare the rod, spoil the child” so your children will understand the “love” of God, it’s time to fire your pastor and get your children to therapy.  Maybe the counselor will help the child learn that love shouldn’t involve fear.

All in….

I recently came across this article by Robert Lofgren.  I think he expresses many feelings I share.

Why I despise fundamentalism:

• It sets ideas and beliefs above people.

• It reduces people, the world, and our universe to black and white. There is no room for anything or anyone that does not fit the mold and there is no desire to learn and explore because all of the answers have already been found.

• Beliefs must be defended at all cost, while love and mercy can be neglected.

• It is tiring and draining of your energy because you are always trying to hold puzzle pieces together that do not seem to fit…they are forced to fit. • It takes away room for creativity, favoring what is simple.

• It despises education, because education might conflict with dogma. • It separates and divides, only holding those with similar beliefs together. It furthers the tribal mentality.

• It creates a distorted image of who God is, crippling the relationship with the Divine, and it makes you a distorted image-bearer.

Fundamentalism can be found within any given worldview or religion. Often the fundamentalist is blinded to his own fundamentalism, while gladly pointing out the errors in another’s fundamentalistic beliefs.

Grace

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If you teach grace for yourself but demand the law for others, it’s time to fire your pastor.

Clarification

 

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The phrase “fire your pastor” doesn’t have to mean work aggressively to have him lose his job, more to the point it means, you leaving his teaching and getting healthy.

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