May 22, 2012 at 9:08 am (abuse, church, Community, faith, Friend, grace, happiness, homosexuality, Justice, law, Love, pain, sadness, spirituality, struggle)
“Tattoo of Leviticus 18:22 forbidding homosexuality: $200
Not knowing that Leviticus 19:28 forbids tattoos: Priceless”
Feel free to pick the verses that give one power to clobber others but by all means ignore the ones that limit your personal freedoms.
April 23, 2012 at 11:11 am (abuse, Beauty, church, Community, faith, family, food, Friend, grace, homosexuality, Justice, men, pain, Peace, sadness, spirituality, struggle, work)
I’ve been asked to continue my thread detailing my journey as a former fundamentalist and how I came to accept and embrace my many gay and lesbian friends. Here is part two of my pilgrimage of understanding.
As a new minister recently hired away from a previous church, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Even under the cloak of spirituality the thought of being sought out and desired gives a boost to an otherwise ordinary existence. The honeymoon phase for a new minister should be experienced by every living being. Imagine everything one says or does being met with glowing admiration and acceptance. Having witnessed this period during my last hire, I wanted to embrace every moment as I knew once the warm fuzzies wear off the real work begins.
I noticed Jerry and Fred (mot real names) around the church and initially didn’t really think to much of them apart from anyone else. It wasn’t long before I learned they were very kind and gregarious and seemed to always have something entertaining or encouraging to say. The people of the church gravitated towards them as would be expected and their presence was seemingly loved by everyone at the church. They created some of the most elaborate decorations I’ve ever seen inside a church. The ‘Hanging of the Green’ was just short of a Broadway production transforming the old stale auditorium into a Thomas Kinkade painting with grand flourish. Their combined voices in the choir redefined my understanding of how beautiful a choir could sound. They worked tirelessly making sure the choir robes were immaculate in every aspect.
We heard told by many of the grand dinner parties they would often throw. An invitation to one of the soirees was treated as the height of complimentary, from then onward, now considered an insider. The food, we heard, was beyond description and talked about long after the event concluded. Without question, this old southern church was a better place because these two gentlemen choose to worship there and invest themselves in the lives of others.
Their home was a perfectly restored old Victorian complete with a grand staircase and a chandelier that left you speechless the first time it was seen. Every personal detail sought to offer a glimpse into who these two men were and what they held dear and important. Conversations were hard to hold for first time visitors as the embellishments and potpourri would constantly steal your attention and distract you from the topic at hand.
I know what many of you must be thinking as you’ve read this thus far…How did you not know they were gay men? Fair question. My answer would be even though I had some understanding of gay men and lesbian women, my ability to decipher this trait was unrefined. The truth of the matter is, even if I did know, which I didn’t until later on, the fact that these two men were life partners would have made little difference at all. They were just interesting and generous men who treated me wonderfully and offered me a friendship that I willingly took.
Soon I was invited to one of the famous dinner parties and was swallowed in by their charm and warmth. I found myself stopping by for many visits, many unannounced just because I enjoyed spending time with them and they always made me feel welcome whenever I stopped by. I considered them friends.
It wasn’t long before the whispers began to circulate among the brethren about the nature of my friend’s relationship. I was pulled into various meetings to discuss Jerry and Fred where juicy details were provided that described the revulsion many felt towards gay men in general and to my friends specifically. I was saddened by the vitriolic pronouncements that were being spread about people who were so loved, valued, and appreciated only a short period of time ago. Now these same “friends” where pouring out buckets of Old Testament anger upon the undeserving heads of these two men. All they did was offer themselves as members of this community and make it a more enjoyable place to encounter. Whatever ones belief about homosexual people, it should take into account that these are in fact, imperfect people just like you and I. That simple fact was quickly overlooked as now the witch-hunt was fully underway. From that moment onward, these two men where treated as objects of scorn and any attempts at offering humanity where effectively squashed. More secret meetings were held as the faithful couldn’t come to grips with the reality that was before them. I was repeatedly asked if they had ever tried anything inappropriate with me as I had spent so much time with them. My reply was not as they hoped, I said they were good friends who cared about me and I likewise cared about them. The only thing inappropriate that I could think of was one of the deacons wives who seemed to ask me to visit only when her husband was away. This information wasn’t what they were looking for.
The church collected its gathered wisdom and decided through it’s “spiritual Leadership” that Jerry and Fred would be allowed to stay in the church but could not be in any leadership positions and needed to not be visible about the church in any way . In other words, they had to stay in the shadows and dark recesses of the church and stop being everything they were and give up being loved by so many. Slowly more and more Sundays came and went without seeing their smiling faces. Visits to their home were less welcome as they sorted out what was to become a new chapter in their lives. I still tried to be friends as nothing changed in my mind with them but the scars were to deep by now. It wasn’t too much longer and these two fine men faded off and found other places to invest themselves. I didn’t understand their hurt back then and took it personally and started to pull back my life from theirs. If there ever was a time for me to be a good friend it was then but I failed those guys miserably.
I always had trouble reconciling the church’s “teachings” with my friendship and knowledge of these two men who were at one time very important to me. Now as I’m older and have escaped the clutches of hate imposed by these types of leaders, scripture has come alive and clear to me. We were wrong in how this situation was handled…offering them up as a sacrifice to our efforts at self-purification all the while ignoring the direct teachings about love, acceptance, grace, forgiveness, and inclusion. Going forward, I pray my life is known for ignoring the man-made teachings about isolation and rejection and instead is solely focused on being a better friend, especially to those on the fringe.
Jerry and Fred, wherever you are I hope one day you’ll forgive me for not standing up for you against the injustice that was perpetrated against you both by God’s followers. Know this, I’ve taken your brave example to heart and will be the one out front fighting for you in the future. Be at peace and know your lives made a difference. Thank you for teaching me what I was unable to learn on my own.
Kindness matters.
April 3, 2012 at 9:16 am (abuse, church, faith, family, innocence, kids, pain, parenting, revenge, sadness, struggle)
A trance still brings her to mind,
the steel blue eyes lacking empathy or peace.
A slight woman with a bit of a hunch,
giving the appearance of something villainous.
The long boney finger jutting from her hand
ever held tightly to a thick yardstick.
Her face never revealed a smile,
just stern gaze of contempt for all.
Black cape covering her shoulders,
the dark scarf framed a frightening face.
Her calling was to serve God,
but somewhere the vision perished,
the glory of ministry gave way to a prison of ritual.
Questions not valued, answered must come quickly,
children to be seen and not heard.
Sister Whatshername, I remember you.
Blows to the head, back or arms with that ever present switch,
the price a boy pays for not being perfectly obedient.
The reality of Hell ever before this class, a constant reminder,
a place for children who chew gum or misbehave.
The fiery description painted with years of repetition,
described large pots fills with snakes and spiders, boiling in the forever fire.
My place I’m told is eternity in such a pot bitten forever,
to remind me how much God loves me.
At least that was the version she told.
As five decades of life draws near, I still shutter thinking about how this wicked woman hurt me, not just with the ruler which did hurt badly, but how she hurt my sensitive heart. She made me believe God’s love was conditional and freely withdrawn on a whim. The reality was she found fear a means to control a classroom. Far too much damage to innocent children just so she could finish a lesson plan.
March 19, 2012 at 12:50 pm (abuse, Beauty, church, Community, country, faith, family, Friend, grace, happiness, homosexuality, Justice, Love, pain, Peace, politics, revenge, sadness, spirituality, struggle, wine, Zen)
I’m growing weary of Facebook.
Each day as I sign in, I hold my breath to see who’s “concerned” about what I’ve been discussing. Does it have to be like this?
My frustration with Facebook has nothing to do with the connections that have been renewed and restored. Nor, is my frustration due to the many people who are my “friends” but secretly, I have no idea who they are. These friends send me messages and updates and I fashionably respond like we’re singing from the same hymnal but secretly I’m just being polite. Obviously, they know me and the shortcoming surely is on my end, but for the life of me I just can’t recall some of these “friends.
My frustration lies with those who I actually do know and have had a relationship with for many years. If we are being honest, prior to Facebook, I doubt we would have reconnected and both parties would have lived their lives without a hiccup.
What Facebook allows is a new freedom of expression. People are empowered to boldly proclaim every thought they’ve previously held captive deep within the depths of common sense. These same people, who would never utter a disagreeable word publicly roar their disapproval for everything political, religious, and social commentary not falling in the exact shadow they cast.
Worse yet are the stalker fighters who seek out their “friends” to do battle. Any discussion is fair game for these, even a topic so seemingly benign as the weather can be the epicenter of an all out brawl. Once word gets out of a fight in progress it’s back to high school where everyone seems to show up and watch and even participate.
*Confession. I have spent time as a stalker fighter looking for a battle to defend my point of view. The energy used to engage so many threads of conflict wore on me. Soon I couldn’t say anything without conflict erupting and armies lining up preparing themselves for the next round of engagement. I saw the error in my ways. Actually, my wife kindly point out that the behavior was asinine. As one who takes the advice from his wife (aka: the holy spirit) seriously, change was on the way. I soon stopped debating and trying to make corrective points with the opposition instead seeking now only to interact on a friendly level with fun banter and playful jesting.
To quote Michael Corleone, “they keep dragging me back in.” It’s been well over a year since my efforts on Facebook have stopped participating on battles of right and wrong but those out there can’t seem to leave well enough alone. A little jab here, and backhanded compliment there, even a sharp rebuttal over there, yet I’ve held my ground and not caved it. I respect much of this I’ve created, that whole Karma thing and all, but today I’m just tired of the whole thing.
I’m convinced Facebook is one of the markers denoting the beginning of the apocalypse. Well, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but it’s certainly leading to the downfall of civility if not civilization as a whole. For all the good that Facebook provides, the reconnection to our past and ability to stay in touch with those we cherish, not to mention the ability to communicate with vast people in levels never before even dreamed. For all the good that’s possible, I question if the bad is not overshadowing any redemptive possibility that currently exists.
This medium is being used effectively now as a divider of people. Intentional or not, that’s the reality. Never before has more information been available to the masses with which opinions and rally points where chosen beforehand. Slowly the machine is creating two camps, not just along political lines, today it’s those in the know and the others. Methodically, the fabric of our being is being interwoven into a thread that aligns with one or the other grouping. Carefully, religious belief, political belief, social concerns, and love seem to only fit into two pre-described camps without any room for deviation from any of the topics. Middle ground has left us. Compromise is gone. Acceptance for those not entirely like us has disappeared. Facebook didn’t create this divide but certainly has worked to magnified it and made the gap wider and thrust it to the forefront so it cannot be denied. Strike up a conversation with any stranger and within minutes you can see if you share a jersey or are determined to be a future combatant.
I think life is too valuable for immediately sizing up people and quickly determining if they need converting or a handshake. I hate that we can look at someone’s Facebook and determine everything we think we need to know about that individual, or at least be content assuming that we can know them in this way. Facebook is creating a generation of surface level relationships that never seek to mine the gold of another’s heart. Simplicity and expediency, while key parts of Facebook connections, serve little to no value with real souls.
So a tradeoff awaits us. Do we accept the drama and bullshit that a Facebook account provides? Or do we jump ship? Do we go at it the old fashioned way? The way where we seek to truly know the other before us, appreciate them for what they bring to the table, leave alone that which we disagree. Imagine if those wishing to do battle with our thoughts had to look us in the eye and be accountable in person as in days of old. No more paper (or electronic) lions bravely attacking every comment from the safe confines of their homes. I dare say seeing so many people empowered with disinformation and innuendo leading the charge to save our world really distresses me.
While I can’t change much, I can change me. Time to go share a glass of wine with friends in person, not just over the internet.
February 5, 2012 at 9:03 am (church, Community, faith, grace, Love, Peace, spirituality, Zen)
I cover my ears weary of the talk, everyone an opinion about the Holy.
So extreme the gap, can we be talking about the same?
Maybe if more started living the promise, instead of opining the lives of others the divide would narrow.
What if we muzzled our self serving thoughts and gave a brother a hand?
Hugs to all.
To make a difference we have to be different, not from others, but from ourselves.
Alive to acceptance of what we aren’t.
Spread the word, one helping hand and warm embrace at a time.
Anger has no footprint in love.
January 30, 2012 at 11:19 am (abuse, church, Community, country, faith, grace, homosexuality, Justice, Love, pain, Peace, politics, sadness, spirituality, Zen)
The Bible.
Words to inspire, stories of hope,
a message of inclusion, love unfolding.
Mercy withheld, kept at a price,
available to only those who’ve signed the pledge.
Peaceful teachings tossed aside,
the war machine a new sponsor.
Strange bedfellows, overlook such facts,
a crusade to reclaim, bulldozed by might.
A misquoted verse, proclaimed to advance,
holy mission of destruction, ordered from above.
Sadness the sight of such beautiful words,
used as a whore of one’s pleasing,
while dancing ponies dressed in sparkles distract the ugly truth.
Divide and conquer, the killers shout,
make them like us, red words weep.
Love doesn’t wear a flag nor sing a select song while seeking an enemy.
Hugs to all, make us one.
God says hush!
January 18, 2012 at 8:40 am (church, country, faith, Justice, politics)
He fights the urge to engage
as the masses voice their anger.
Everyday another complaint,
can this man do no right?
Distortions and disinformation everywhere,
our President the target of their ire.
A illusionary club to share imposed ideologies
takes them away from reality.
Sight not forthcoming with the constant barrage,
their points falling on deaf ears.
Sounding like upset schoolgirls
who can’t have their own way.
The trap is set as many fall in,
thinking they are part of the solution.
Deeper into the pit of oblivion
the hate takes them.
Comeback and live with love.
December 19, 2011 at 7:04 am (church, Community, faith, family, grace, kids, Love, parenting, spirituality)
While chewing the homemade bread, still tasting the flavor of grape,
my eyes look back.
Time holds it’s place as eternity become part of the present.
I see my daughters sharing this table of togetherness,
offering themselves to this mystery called faith.
Prayers for struggle and questions to abound,
make this life of truth one that remains pure for them.
No simple answers, no mindless chants,
a life formed from wrestling for love.
Children get older, decisions all their own,
choices now made without me.
As they swallow the bread of communion
let them be drawn forever to the circle that binds.
Rejoice!
December 7, 2011 at 3:40 pm (church, faith, grace, Love, nature, Peace, spirituality, Zen)
Where have you gone oh friend of before,
once so close, waking breath to connect anew.
Books were read, songs sung, prayers ushered to stay near.
Content to follow, passion to belong,
marching in agreed lockstep, boldly to proclaim.
Today I gaze out the window reflecting a simpler day,
knowing the hopeful grasp returns empty.
Is desire the only thing that kept me true?
Questions flood while resolving answers evade,
Sunday’s procession gives way to creation’s mighty call.
Disingenuous repetition brings no relief,
just more spirals of madness to mind.
Emptiness fills a longing, why am I not sad?
Only certainty is doubt…why pretend.
Peace has found me where I am.
October 25, 2011 at 12:21 pm (church, Community, faith, family, grace, homosexuality, Love, spirituality)
I have to start by stating I claim no superior knowledge or insight into the GLBT world. While I have many friends who were born gay and live healthy, loving, and productive lives, there is a limit in my ability to understand fully the struggles and challenges society exerts. What there isn’t a limit to is my ability to accept and welcome people today into my small circle of existence irrespective of where they are on life’s journey.
Fortunately, these dear friends have allowed me to ploddingly ask questions about their humanity, showing such patience and willingness to let a clumsy seeker gain a small foothold in what it means to be a homosexual. The stories I hear devastate me. The pain and anguish thrust upon these sons and daughters by parents, clergy, as well as extended family and friends is in a word, horrendous.
As a brief bit of background, had I not gone through a period of deep rejection as fallout over my divorce that likewise caused me great sadness and isolation, I may have never have come to see pain that others share and live in each and every day. For many, pain is a passing period of great grief that dissolves over time and while maybe not forgotten, an ability to function meaningfully does develop. But what if the pain were never to stop, never release, instead only compound? Hope that some day there will be a light that leads one away from this bondage but only seems to stay forever darkened.
Where is that safe place? Where do they go for respite? Where does the world slow down enough to allow them to catch their breath?
Much is made of what would Jesus look like if he came to earth and walked among us. People spend time in debate over how Jesus would honor certain groupings and assimilate with others while rejecting and castigating those the loving faithful seem to dislike. Personally, I haven’t a clue what Jesus would do, but I do have a hunch. I would bet he would come back as one so isolated and cast out, one so despised by society, one so unwelcome, unwanted, and unlikeable to the masses that he would be overlooked and missed completely. Like a friend said, wouldn’t it be like Jesus to come back and walk among us a transgendered individual? What other person reflects so much of what society rejects? Wasn’t it the excluded who Jesus chose to spent his time while walking among us?
Imagine my surprise when Jesus sat down next to me at church this past Sunday. Found so much happiness watching others offer a greeting to our guest as well. I think he felt welcome, he must have felt safe here maybe even among soon to be friends for when the offering was presented he shared his gift like all the others. Everyone needs a place they can call home and just be themselves, I hope this community becomes that to him. For my part, made damn sure s/he felt welcome, for its not everyday you have such an encounter. Glad Jesus felt comfortable enough to visit our church. Hope we see him/her again real soon.
My prayer is that I forever seek the promise of love embodied in all. Seeing no person as less than or lacking, instead fostering a desire for unity of our common souls chasing the promise of hope fleshed out in the life of our Christ.
