50…

 

Halfway to a hundred, the back nine approaches,

perpetually carrying the weight of fatigue.

Suddenly the view of my feet is obstructed by an ever rounding belly,

where did that skinny boy go?

Staying up late and going hard all day,

a mere memory of the past.

Planning activities based on a limited energy reserve,

naps vital to the day.

Once mornings were attacked and sprung from,

now a time of great dread as beautiful sleep comes to an abrupt end.

My children are the same age as my mind remembers,

the glory days of old.

Time is a blur moving faster than thought can maintain,

the ease of youth quickly becomes the chase of middle age.

I’ve become the creepy old man telling stories of a wild buck,

nobody cares, just go sit in the corner and be quiet I’m told.

Funny when the roles reverse.

Honor…

My path may look overgrown but the route is familiar,

seeking a trail of possibilities over a well worn sidewalk of sameness.

Mine isn’t the ordinary, neither are my thoughts,

finding agreement with the many brings no satisfaction.

The spirit sets our course, my heart’s compass points the way,

justice compels, compassion demands, isolation accepts.

Seeking honor for my soul, needing not mans approval,

eyes firmly focused on the immediate prize.

As the pillow embraces my tired head,

sleep comes easy living at peace.

This is all we have.

Yardstick…

A trance still brings her to mind,

the steel blue eyes lacking empathy or peace.

A slight woman with a bit of a hunch,

giving the appearance of something villainous.

The long boney finger jutting from her hand

ever held tightly to a thick yardstick.

Her face never revealed a smile,

just stern gaze of contempt for all.

Black cape covering her shoulders,

the dark scarf framed a frightening face.

Her calling was to serve God,

but somewhere the vision perished,

the glory of ministry gave way to a prison of ritual.

Questions not valued, answered must come quickly,

children to be seen and not heard.

Sister Whatshername, I remember you.

Blows to the head, back or arms with that ever present switch,

the price a boy pays for not being perfectly obedient.

The reality of Hell ever before this class,  a constant reminder,

a place for children who chew gum or misbehave.

The fiery description painted with years of repetition,

described large pots fills with snakes and spiders, boiling in the forever fire.

My place I’m told is eternity in such a pot bitten forever,

to remind me how much God loves me.

At least that was the version she told.

As five decades of life draws near, I still shutter thinking about how this wicked woman hurt me, not just with the ruler which did hurt badly, but how she hurt my sensitive heart.  She made me believe God’s love was conditional and freely withdrawn on a whim.  The reality was she found fear a means to control a classroom.  Far too much damage to innocent children just so she could finish a lesson plan.

Scar…

 

Still a scar remains, though hidden from view,

the mind not letting go.

A boy now a man, still remembers the day,

a crushing blow split his face.

It came from one he trusted and thought he loved,

at least as love was understood.

The pain was numbing, too much to comprehend,

blood gushed from his face.

Unsure whether to cry or run, bravely he stood,

not breaking the stare.

The man’s transgression now filled him with shame,

“I’m sorry” he proclaimed.

There it is, the man’s abuse the boy withstood,

not broken only scarred.

When their eyes met again, both knew the secret and the score,

shared by none but not forgotten.

A shifting of scales, today the boy walks his head held high,

tomorrow it begins again.

Will he stay lucky?

Nothing…

Vapid stillness bellows within the brain,

not a creative juice to flow.

Windows providing a place to stare

at nothing in particular.

Leaves rusting from the sudden gust

provide a flash of interest.

An overfilled mind needing respite

from the banal trivialities of life.

Alone with no thoughts or attachments

not altogether unpleasant.

Cry…

 

Surrounded by the warmth layers of blankets provide

on a cold winters night.

Sleep interrupted by a piercing cry.

Too loud to ignore, too continuous to dismiss.

Stumbling to to back door in search of answers,

the continued sorrow rang forth.

Nature is both beautiful and cruel, especially to the prey.

The kill was slow and agonizing, death didn’t come easily.

A moment shared while the creature transitioned,

unable to protect or help.

Soon quiet enveloped the night, the journey for our friend

had begun.

Praying for a new life in a land of herbivores.

Sweet…

Remembering the days of innocence

a time for simplicity and ease.

No concerns by phone, no text needing a reply.

Before…

Thoughts of picking up a stalk of sugar cane

freshly fallen from an overloaded truck.

Fearing not germs or infestation,

the cane taken to my mouth.

Sweetness almost unbearable,

the goo leaking from the side.

The rest of the journey consumed with bliss,

romancing that stick of nectar.

I do remember you.

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