Wisdom of Nothing…

October 21, 2009 at 1:51 pm (Zen, nature)

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There he sits, content with this moment, unaware that the weatherman is calling for more rain, he just sits there.  His focus is completely centered on the buzzing object that circles his furry head.  He cares little for my missed golf outing…when you get right down to it, he doesn’t care about much that seems to bother me.  This dog lives a life to envy.

Damn dog.

While I struggle with the next sale or who needs a ride where, he just stares off into the horizon seeing eternity through eyes that I seem to miss.  He is only interrupted when the bee comes back to torment him and feels the need to follow its circuitous flight.  What are you looking at I wonder, what are you thinking about?  He could never explain it to me.  I lack the reality to live in this moment in the same fashion.

Vanishing life

I’ve lost the wonder to stare off into the possible.  Sitting still and watching the leaves dance in the wind is beyond my attention level.   I’m too busy to slow down and watch the bee fly around and around and around, or too proud.  I long to listen as the creek trickles down the rounded rocks and drift away.  My mind is too congested with needs to be alone with my thoughts these days.   He misses none of it.

Slow down and live says the wise one.

I’m so busy yet so alone.

Change…

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View From Down Below…

August 3, 2009 at 12:20 am (faith, nature, spirituality)

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As the afternoon began to turn into evening, my dogs called my name wanting to share a walk together.  The sun was partially hidden behind the trees and the feeling of fall took over the summer day.  This was the kind of moment that needed to be spent in the outdoors doing something , anything , even if it wasn’t important.  Allowing the tranquility of this moment to pass with participation would be just short of criminal.

I took my beasties suggestion and walked them down to the golf course  for that was just a short hike down the hill.  The dogs needed a release of their pent up energy and immediately began to give each other chase.  Their energy was pouring out of them as they played joyfully on the fresh cut grass.  Tumble, chase, tug, chase, followed by more running.  Those dogs were being everything dogs are meant to be.  Dogs.  I think often about dogs, what a great life these animals have.  Imagine spending your days in full contemplation and still getting fed.  Every dreamer wishes for moments like these to share.

I sat down to watch the playful display and drink fully the moment.  Hitting golf balls now seemed such a low priority.  Allowing myself to be present in this moment  was the highest good I could provide myself.  Taking care of ourselves oftentimes just involves releasing our need for busy for moments of quiet.  This was one of those moments.

The dogs began to tire and the activity slowed eventually finding the dogs laying on the fairway panting heavily.  There we were three creatures finding solace in the cool breeze in that late afternoon.  I looked back towards the top of the hill and there he stood.  Majestic and proud.  Regal and aloof.  He encompassed all these.  The dogs were unaware of  the new eyes that now watched them.  They were spectacular.

Church is meaningful as it allows us time to reflect on the divine and share moments of authenticity with like minded people.  There is great value in the process and time spent focusing on creating a better way to live based on love.  This was very much like church.  God looked at me through the eyes of this deer and I heard eternity yell my name. 

The buck soon was spooked and ran off leaving me to relish having more time watching this wonderful creature.  My hairy friends decided the time for stillness was over.  It was time to get up and move on to another adventure.  I agreed.

Life down here isn’t too bad.

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Reincarnation of Jessie…

January 23, 2009 at 3:22 pm (Love, nature)

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My first Chow Chow was a frail little girl who I rescued from a puppy mill.  Puppy mills are the scourge of the pet industry.   Imagine walking onto a farm with cages and pens as far as the eye can see.  The sound of hundreds of dogs barking at the prospect of freedom is almost deafening.  Each pen represented a different breed with dogs piled upon each other trying to get noticed.  The lack of compassion missing from this farm is heartbreaking.  I want to save them all, I know I can’t.

 

I have my heart set on a Chow Chow.  The Chow is an interesting breed known for great loyalty and devotion as well as a strong, protective spirit.  I located the holding pen for my chosen breed and began the difficult process of selecting the perfect pet.  Unable to choose one from the flurry of fur that surrounded me, I stepped away.  As I did, I noticed the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen peeking out from a cage that barely contained the body of this dog.  This was this poor dog’s existence.  Unable to even stand up in her cage, she had grown too large for the enclosure and no one seemed to notice or even care.  There she was, my future dog, I couldn’t wait to release her from this prison.  So I took her home.

I decided to call her Jessie. 

 
 She stuck to me like Velcro.  We were inseparable.  She was a great dog who only wanted to be loved and showed her appreciation with great gusto.  Without the limiting effect of a small cage she grew to full stature and seemed to always wear a smile.

 

A new career opportunity meant moving to another state.  While moving is never easy it was especially challenging for Jessie.  Her patterns were disrupted and the strange countryside overwhelmed her.  She tried to stay strong but the change just confused her.

 

One night she somehow escaped from the back yard that was surrounded by chain link fence.  She found a weak spot in the fence previously unnoticed by me that allowed her to squeeze out.  When I called for her to come inside to bed there was nothing but quiet.  A stillness that sounded empty.  She was gone.

 

I immediately grabbed a flashlight and started off searching for my faithful, confused friend.  Up and down the streets I looked.  As I too was new to the area, these streets were as foreign to me as they were to my Jessie.  After what seemed many hours I gave up my search with a heavy heart.  I had little hope for her return in this strange place.

 

I went to work reluctantly, wearing sadness on my face, unable to focus on anything but my loss.  Where did my girl go?  She must be so scared and alone not knowing where she was.  Did she feel we abandoned her?  I sat at my desk, perseverating thoughts on my missing dog. 

 

Days went by and the pound failed to report finding Jessie.  It was time to face the inevitable.  I called the city works department and told of my plight.  They informed me of a large long haired black dog recently picked up in my area.  I wasn’t prepared for this loss nor was I ready to face the task that lie before me.  I grabbed a couple of large trash bags and drove the short drive to retrieve my fallen friend.  A burly man with a kind face led me to the back of a truck where the body laid silent.  I immediatley noted the dog was a Chow and quickly put the hairy carcass into the trash bag without much hesitation.  Damn.

 

Her toys were gathered together and placed inside the large hole dug in the backyard of my new home.  I gently placed her lifeless body in that same hole.  Before I covered my friend with dirt I took time to give thanks for the time we had together.  Others had joined me for this impromptu memorial service.  Even the roofers who were working on the neighbors house stopped long enough to observe this moment of sadness.

 

Goodbye.

 

A few days later my phone rang.  I thought at first it was a practical joke.  What did this veterinarian mean he had my dog?  I just buried her.  He stated this was no joke and this was in fact my dog.  She had jumped off an overpass while trying to avoid capture by a police office.  She knocked herself unconscious and was taken to this vet to recover.  She was perfectly fine and I should come and get her…is what I heard the doctor relay to me.

 

Then…Who did I bury?

 

Surreal moments cause us to rethink the order of life.  We have to adjust our thinking to our present reality and oftentimes they don’t mesh.  This was no exception.

 

As I sat there considering my newfound delight my phone rang.  I was instructed to come to the front office immediately to which I obliged.  As I came neared I saw a blur rush me and immediately my Jessie tackled me and filled my face with wetness.  She was glad to be home, I was thrilled to have her back.

 

She and I stayed close from that moment onward.  She gave me unconditional love and acceptance.  She was a devoted dog.  She was more than a dog, she was family.

 

Unfortunately, all that love came from a heart that had grown weak.  Her health began failing rapidly and one afternoon I went outside to call her and was again faced with that dreadful silence that beckons the arrival of bad news.  Jessie didn’t move as I approached her.  She had left us again, this time for good.  She had nothing left for this life except the wonderful memories that remain in my heart.  These I will forever cherish.

 

I carried this pile of love to the grave of her predecessor where I dug a home for her new journey next to her unknown friend.  I thought they would get along fine and have lots to talk about.

 

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Lesson from a Gorilla

January 21, 2009 at 6:14 pm (nature, revenge)

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Spend even a brief period of time watching wildlife and one can’t help but be amazed.  Watching animals live their lives without the restraints we humans adapt to govern our existence is a breath of fresh air.  Wild animals make little or no effort to be on their best behavior when viewed by humanity.  It’s often in these moments where animals teach humans the greatest lessons.

 

Too often people excuse away bad behavior and encourage its continuance.  Animals tend to nip poor behavior immediately and seldom re-allow its continued performance.  I’m not saying people should go around biting each other when they disagree but maybe directing bad behavior in a more positive vein is a possibility.

 

I seldom go to zoos anymore.  In younger days seeing the wild animals was a thrill and brought much excitement to a young boy.  Not today.  Zoos represent sadness to me.  Modern prisons where animals go serve life sentences for doing nothing except being themselves.  Living lives of monotony and the drag of having humanity watch them endure such confinement is just too much to endure for me.

 

With this background in mind, I visited a zoo a few years back and walked around the grounds staring at the miserable animals cope with what had become their lives.  There was a look of dreariness in their eyes and I imagine much anger in their hearts as well.  The playful exuberance was not witnessed.  Chasing, climbing, and swinging were also sadly missing.

 

A crowd of teenagers found the zoo to be a place to unleash primitive desires to show these animals how dumb and helpless they were.  Going en-masse from cage to cage teasing and challenging helpless animals who could not even offer a response.  Except…the gorilla.  He was angry.  Had no interest in welcoming any viewers to his enclosure and hoped just one person would get just a little too close to the edge.  Those same teenagers thought him the perfect foil to their games.  Rushing the cage bars, hollering, mimicking, throwing items into his den, and generally acting stupid.  The gorilla was not amused at all.

 

The gorilla would run swiftly towards them making aggressive sounds hoping to stop their menacing ways.  This didn’t work out.  He began throwing items in the enclosure against the rails which made a thunderous sound.  Each time the teenagers would be challenged they seem to get bolder and louder.  Finally the gorilla could take no more.  He wandered slowly to the back of his den.  Where he sat motionless starring off into space.  The gorilla had given up; he meekly starred at his tormentors as they shouted their victory as if this was a cause for celebration.

 

This gorilla seemed to make a peculiar facial expression and his frown seemed to slowly turn into a mischievous grin.  He was plotting something.  This gorilla was no stranger to revenge and today would be his day.  That funny look on his face was formed due to the large pile of squat that now lay beneath him.  He continued his strategy of calmness while the abuse continued from just outside the bars that prevented his freedom.  He stayed still.

 

And then if on cue, he casually scooped up a huge pile of his previous meal that seemed much less appetizing today and looked at it.  The teenagers went wild considering this poor creature’s strange action.  Then, in a blur this gorilla charged to the front of his cage and covered the teenagers with a foul substance that he had just gotten rid of.  There they stood striped in a disgusting brown slush…smelling just plain vile.  The gorilla had his revenge and we were his witness.  What a terrific ending to a dreadfully dreary outing at the zoo.  I imagine those teenagers thought twice before engaging in that kind of behavior again.

 

What an important lesson learned from a gorilla.  A new perspective on the value of life provided to the teenagers for only the cost of some gorilla squat.  If only all lessons in life came that cheaply.

 

So just work on being kind.  It really stinks when we are mean to others.

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Sometimes I Wonder

August 22, 2008 at 1:41 am (nature, spirituality)

I am often accused of having too strong of an appreciation for my dog.  My dog is extremely bright, kind, and loving.  I’m prone to overly indulge my dog, even spoil him to an extreme.  He is so completely worth it.  My boy and me…we got a good thing going on.

His name is Buddyboy and he is the most handsome dog around.  He is attached to me in a manner that is just shy of unhealthy.  Seldom is he not found either lying next to my feet or resting his head on my lap.  He is a young dog with an old soul.  In many ways…otherworldly.  I try to encourage others to see my boy as something other than just a dog often with mixed results.

Buddyboy is a Chow and is by nature very territorial and protective of his people and palace.  He has taken the role of protector and friend to our Chihuahua Bailey and In-laws Pomeranian Bella.  He also keeps tabs on our two cats and the neighbors Yorkie.  It makes for quite a sight when his “pack” gets together.  They move en-masse around the neighborhood making sure everything is up to standard.

I feel like I communicate with Buddyboy in an ethereal kind a way.  It almost seems like I understand what he is thinking and he likewise understands me.  From an outsiders vantage point, our relationship is bazaar.  He is the ultimate Zen Master who acts with such calm and purpose and I am his willing student.

Recently, Bella decided to give chase to a car that happened to drive by our house.  Bella, being the fierce Pomeranian that she is thought any car that drives by without an invitation needs to be chased away.  Unfortunately the car didn’t see Bella and even with the screaming of adults to stop, she continued her charge into the path of the car.

All were fearful as to what was about to be witnessed.  Nothing could persuade her to stop and keep the inevitable from occurring.  This was to be a sad event.  Everyone felt helpless and watched with horror. 

Then seemingly out of nowhere came a dark flash that ran alongside Bella.  It was Buddyboy.  He managed to get himself between the car and Bella.  With a quick flick of his head he tossed Bella away from the oncoming car .  Bella rolled away from the road safely into the yard.  None the worse for the potential damage that surely awaited her.  Buddyboy just casually walked over to her as if to say, “you alright?”

Everyone just stood there in stunned silence not really sure they just saw this take place.  Buddyboy took care of his friend Bella risking his own life in the process.  He didn’t ask for any special acknowledgement or recognition, for him it was just a matter of doing the right thing because it needed to be done. 

I told you this dog was special! 

Not only is he a hero but also a teacher of profound spiritual lessons.  Just do the right thing.

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Seeing is Believing

July 8, 2008 at 6:02 pm (nature, spirituality)

Unfortunately I have a bad slice when it comes to hitting with my irons.  Watching shots slowly begin to arc away from their destination frustrates me to no end.   The instruction received from the golf pro only lessen the severity of my slice but doesn’t eliminate it.  Two options are available to me.  Live in frustration or adjust accordingly.  I need no other sources of anguish so I just aim left of my target.

Early one morning, before play began on the course, I took a handful of golf balls down to the 12th hole to practice.  With no one around I had time to swing away working on that blasted slice.  Today I tried to get out of my head and just swing with a relaxed motion.  To my surprise the ball traveled completely straight.  Repeat, again, again…wow, this is great!  I walked to the green and collected my shots preparing to return and hit another round of hopefully straight shots.

I heard a sound off to my left where the woods met the edge of the course.  As I silently watched I saw two deer just past the green working on breakfast.  I set up to hit another round of shots and again found the shots not slicing.  This would be a day to remember.  Little did I actually know.

I turned to wave at the greens keeper on the hole down the hill.  When I turned around those two deer had moved onto the green I was hitting towards.  I felt the safest place the deer could be when I was hitting was on the green so I launched another shot.  Oh crap!  A perfect shot that landed right in the middle of the green.  In no measure did I wish to alarm or cause harm to the deer.  I assumed the ball would frighten them and off they would run.  Wrong.

I stare in unbelief.  I squint to get a clearer view of what my mind is telling me I’m seeing.  Slowly I walk closer.  Not only did the deer not run off when the ball landed near them, they instead walked curiously toward it.  Like in a cartoon the deer sniffs at the ball and then hits it with a foot.  The other deer chases after the ball.  Just like a dog these deer begin to chase after the golf ball all over the green.  I keep trying to get closer as the show I’m watching is beyond words and deems a closer vantage point.

There are times when each one of us needs a little reinforcement of our faith.  A gentle reminder the we are not alone and there is a much larger force directing this production.  Something to remind us that there is reason to smile and believe deep within our hearts that everything is fine.  Just this moment in time.  Just this snapshot of eternity that we get to pose in.  This for me was a moment of clarity that sometimes I need not try to act as the conductor on this train.  Passengers seem to enjoy the view better anyway.

Just when this epiphany stuck me…along comes my trusted companion, my loyal dog who must have realized I was away from his protective side.  Being a dog as he is prone to be, off he goes chasing the deer away.  He comes back completely proud of his accomplishments looking for affirmation that he did a good job.  Such is the circle of life.  I pat his head and walk back to the house.

Attachments keep us from really enjoying moments like these.  I had to let that deer sequence leave and accept the present reality of my dog needing affection.  By the way, my slice came back.  This is life.

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Zen and the Art of Golf Ball Hawking

July 7, 2008 at 6:07 pm (Zen, nature)

Everyone should be fortunate enough to find an activity that really brings you home.  Something that finds your center and provides enjoyment and tranquility.  Having an activity that can be returned to time and time again providing a much needed respite in this crazy world we hang out in.  Going home refers to finding ones inner self, their core, the place where you begin.

I crave the pursuit of finding wayward golf balls.  Maybe there is an unresolved issue with my youth that causes such a desire.  I find myself needing to gather golf balls much like the outdoorsman needs to slaughter helpless creatures.  I’m a hunter in every sense of the word.  Outfitted with a backpack, baseball cap, and my weapon of choice…pitching wedge.  I am all business in my pursuit…don’t even think about getting in my way.

Let me preface this to say I am fortunate to live on a destination golf course.  As such the people that come and play tend to be on vacation and spending money isn’t of concern.  Why this comes into play means golf balls found aren’t the X-outs or knockoff variety.  What I find are the Callaways, Nikes, and Noodles…golfers will tell you these are prized possesions.  My version of the valued impala or massive elk.

Couple of rules to remember as you seek to become a follower of the dream. 

1.  Never reach into grassy areas without first checking with club.

2.  Water works like a magnet on golf balls.  Look there first.

3.  Where there is one ball, usually  two or more can be found as well.

4.  Snakes can become possessive of golf balls, leave those alone.

5.  Don’t hunt at dusk as your activity may attract bears who are greedy and don’t like to share.

6.  Crossing the same area from different angles produces great results.

7.  If a golfer sees you hunting offer him a ball as a peace offering otherwise he’ll think you stole his ball.

8.  While finding pink, yellow, orange, and blue colored balls is much like finding easter eggs, never put these balls into same bucket as regular balls.

9.  Don’t be afraid of the dirty balls.  They clean up just like new.

10. Never, even under the threat of extreme torture, expose your secret honey holes.

There is a tranquility found in the woods alone.  A Waldonesque mystique that draws into harmony the chaos that befuddles us.  For me it is a very Zen like time where the past has no meaning and the future serves no value.  It is the complete essence of now.  The place where we find peace in our creator.  Silence is a gift so easily received yet seldom sought.  But once you hear it…once you live silence and come into presence then everything else sounds like the din of destruction we find ourselves perpetually surrounded by.  How nice to escape and find calm.  How wonderful is the quiet.

My Zen practice has benefited my golf ball hunting by bringing to mind constant awareness of my surroundings.  Most people hunt for golf balls by looking around until one is spotted.  A Zen collector finds them by noticing the changes to the present reality.  This is the true depth of awareness.  How much we miss by looking only for that white ball.  How many flowers do we trample, how many berries do we squish.  Awareness forces us to examine everything continiously without judgement or emotion.  It is with this heightened understanding, real golf ball hunting occurs.

Does this translate to life?  Can this awareness be practiced elsewhere?  The answer is a resounding yes.  Not only can it be practiced anywhere it should be practiced anywhere.  It’s amazing what happens to our lives when we step aside from seeking answers and focus instead on seeking truth.

Happy Hunting!

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Huckleberries Redux…

July 7, 2008 at 5:32 am (nature, parenting)

My daughter recently asked me to join her on an outing to pick huckleberries to eat.  Seldom in these teenage years am I asked to participate on any level.  Something about not being cool enough.  Something also about making her listen to my rambling thoughts.  

She’d heard to me perseverate enough on the wonder of these berries and decided she wanted to try them out for herself.  Knowing she was in for a real treat at the end of this journey I gleefully accepted her offer.  In the back of my mind I’m thinking this will be about quality time together maybe a chance to teach a life lesson, who knows? 

Out we go, golf club in one hand small bucket in the other.  I explain the need for a stick when hunting for berries.  Snakes also like to eat these fruit and its wise to check the plants first before poking in a hand.  No fruit no matter how tasty is worth a snakebite.  My choice of a pitching wedge purely a personal preference.  The look from her due to my decision to use a golf club on this foray amazes me.  Why is this so weird?  Why do my everyday decisions seem to cause her so much anguish.  One time I choose to wear a dashiki in public with her and forever in her mind I’m crazy and deserve to be institutionalized.  I’ve become a dalit in my own family.  Anyway, where was I?

It’s not a quick process picking huckleberries.  I doubt one could grow fat eating them as its so much work to collect them.  Maybe this is part of a larger plan.  I explain to her each plant only has a limited amount of berries.  I’m reminded  of the passage describing the provision for even the least of these and the greater concern available for each of us.  Here right before us is living truth.  This is the hand of the almighty not only feeding the deer but also making sure they have to work for it.  Could there be a lesson somewhere in there for me?  Limited availability on each plant causes the deer and other animals to keep moving from plant to plant to get their fill.  Maybe this is a reason we don’t see too many fat animals in the wild.  God keeps these little ones always on the go.

My explanations seem to annoy her.  My spiritualizing the stupid old huckleberry seems to be pushing her to the brink.  Finally it comes out…”would you just mind picking the berries for me?” ”I’m going back in the house, too many creepy crawly things out here” 

Then it hits me…my princess just wanted some stupid berries to chew on.  She didn’t want to hear my meanderings.  So now not only am I the family dalit I also am the day laborer as well.  Such is the life of a dufus dad.

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Huckleberries…

July 3, 2008 at 4:35 pm (nature, spirituality)

I walked through the woods today finding a plentiful supply of huckleberries.  These small blueberry wannabees have a sweet taste that invite me to frequently sample their wares.  As I devour them I think of how good more of these are than less.  How a tub of these would be great with some iced tea.  Is there a better, more efficient means to collect them? I find myself with a need for more.

Often deer amble by finding these same berries a welcome source of nourishment.  I’m sure for a deer, food is not taken for granted and to the level available are extremely grateful for these many huckleberries.   I wonder when the deer eat these taste treats do they have the same ability to saviour the moment?  Any ability to saviour the moment?   Or do they have to eat and run.  Being lower on the food chain changes the way they must eat.  Natures answer to the drive thru window. 

Seeing maybe for the first time God’s intimate hand at work…provision for the lovely deer.  These yummy treats are to be equally shared by deer and dude alike.   Sometimes we only need to open our eyes to the world around us to see the manifestations of love.  How easy it is to touch and experience the handiwork of God.  This God surely has a warm embrace for us.  This God seems to really care.  Why am I so often unable to accept direction and peace so freely given? 

As I ate them I couldn’t help thinking about the Arabian fable “The Disabled Fox” 

A man walking through the forest saw that a fox had lost its legs and wondered how it lived.  Then he saw a tiger come in with game in its mouth.  The tiger had its fill and left the rest of its meat for the fox.

The next day God fed the fox by means of the same tiger.  The man began to wonder at God’s greatness and said to himself, “I too shall just rest in a corner with full trust in the Lord and he will provide me with all I need.”

He did this for many days and nothing happened, and he was almost at death’s door when he heard a voice say, O you who are in the path of error, open your eyes to the truth!  Follow the example of the tiger and stop imitating the disabled fox.”

That’s what I want with my life…eyes that are open to the truth.  Time to start acting more like a tiger.

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