Never Trust a Smile…

I’m very sad today.  Extremely sad.

This day I learned about the suicide of an old college friend.  Death makes others weary.  Especially death caused with one’s own hands.  This news stirs parts of me I prefer left dormant.

I think of my old friend…what a charming, handsome, gifted individual he was.  People saw in him grace manifested and kindness extended.  He had few enemies, if any; I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t like him.

Surrounded by friends and admirers, the often subject of the passing crowd.  He seemed to have it all.

The pain must have been immeasurable to endure.  The loss of hope, the place where vibrant dreams go to die a slow death.  My friend lived with great sadness.

His death keeps me mindful of the people I encounter.  The man who smiles as we pass and marches begrudgingly to his own private hell.  Alone the misery slowly removes him from life.  Piece by piece.  The smile must be so hard; to fight the need to cry out, instead mustering a make believe sign of happiness pretending all is well.

The eyes never lie.  The soul opens up and projects it’s reality through this looking glass.  To really know someone, look in the eyes…there the hurts shout out, there joy proclaims.  Never trust a smile.

I hope you have found peace, true peace…and now rest easy my friend, it’s ok to smile.

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Wisdom of Nothing…

Thanksgiving 08 041

There he sits, content with this moment, unaware that the weatherman is calling for more rain, he just sits there.  His focus is completely centered on the buzzing object that circles his furry head.  He cares little for my missed golf outing…when you get right down to it, he doesn’t care about much that seems to bother me.  This dog lives a life to envy.

Damn dog.

While I struggle with the next sale or who needs a ride where, he just stares off into the horizon seeing eternity through eyes that I seem to miss.  He is only interrupted when the bee comes back to torment him and feels the need to follow its circuitous flight.  What are you looking at I wonder, what are you thinking about?  He could never explain it to me.  I lack the reality to live in this moment in the same fashion.

Vanishing life

I’ve lost the wonder to stare off into the possible.  Sitting still and watching the leaves dance in the wind is beyond my attention level.   I’m too busy to slow down and watch the bee fly around and around and around, or too proud.  I long to listen as the creek trickles down the rounded rocks and drift away.  My mind is too congested with needs to be alone with my thoughts these days.   He misses none of it.

Slow down and live says the wise one.

I’m so busy yet so alone.

Change…