Please come.

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If your pastor teaches the need to invite God into the presence of the service, remind him that he previously taught that God was omnipresent and the only reason God wouldn’t currently be present is because God purposely needed to get the heck out of your church before s/he blew a fuse.  Fire your pastor and enjoy God’s true presence.

Girl Scout Cookies

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If your pastor says with a straight face from the pulpit to not buy Girl Scout Cookies from the cute little munchkins in green because it will support abortion and lesbianism, ask yourself a question…Do I really allow myself to take life advise from such an flaming dolt?  Get up immediately from your seat and fire your pastor.

Church Porn…

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If your church is promoting the new “Left Behind” movie because of its “christian” importance, please know you’d be better off showing “The Omen” in the church basement if you want actual scriptural integrity. It’s really hard to imagine rejoicing over the prospect of many people suffering because they don’t act and believe exactly like you do.  But we all dream differently don’t we?  Some dream of peace while others dream of revenge.   Open your eyes and see church porn for what it is.  Fire your pastor and step outside and embrace life and all those who make up our wonderfully diverse world with love and acceptance.

Free Labor…

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If the pastors wife gets paid a salary because she ministers around the church (shows up regularly and smiles a lot) yet the other staff members are encouraged to minister for free, the church has a problem, a big problem…fire your pastor.

Cool Country

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If your pastor rants about the evils of secular music and the horrible influence it has on today’s youth, yet hops in his car and turns on Waylon, Willie, and Johnny, It’s time to fire the hypocrite.

Divided Unity

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If your pastor continues to rant about the lack of unity among fellow believers and without taking a breath, uses divisive terms to denote others who practice a different faith, hopefully you can see the problem right before you…fire your pastor.