Church Porn…

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If your church is promoting the new “Left Behind” movie because of its “christian” importance, please know you’d be better off showing “The Omen” in the church basement if you want actual scriptural integrity. It’s really hard to imagine rejoicing over the prospect of many people suffering because they don’t act and believe exactly like you do.  But we all dream differently don’t we?  Some dream of peace while others dream of revenge.   Open your eyes and see church porn for what it is.  Fire your pastor and step outside and embrace life and all those who make up our wonderfully diverse world with love and acceptance.

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Free Labor…

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If the pastors wife gets paid a salary because she ministers around the church (shows up regularly and smiles a lot) yet the other staff members are encouraged to minister for free, the church has a problem, a big problem…fire your pastor.

Cool Country

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If your pastor rants about the evils of secular music and the horrible influence it has on today’s youth, yet hops in his car and turns on Waylon, Willie, and Johnny, It’s time to fire the hypocrite.

Divided Unity

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If your pastor continues to rant about the lack of unity among fellow believers and without taking a breath, uses divisive terms to denote others who practice a different faith, hopefully you can see the problem right before you…fire your pastor.

Obedience

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If your pastor is demanding the congregation focus on obedience and leadership, hold on to your hat, you’re about to have any bit of common sense stolen from you, get a pair and fire you pastor.

Harry Potter…

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If your spiritual leader suggests children shouldn’t read Harry Potter for fear they may turn into witches, it’s time to fire your pastor.

Actually…

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If you hear “I’ll just take what the bible says as true” without acknowledging what that really means is “I’ll take what I think the bible says” as more important than what “you think the bible says.”  Your pastor has a messiah complex and needs to be fired.

Latte Salute

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If your pastor spends time talking about how the President’s “latte salute” isn’t befitting a leader, remind him he has a few others things going on presently and to give him a bit of a break from the non-stop criticism he garners.  Also remind your pastor that terms like jerk, idiot, and fool are not honoring of our commander in chief and as a pastor he should learn to voice his displeasure in a more gentle,caring, and respectful manner and offer some of that grace he so often mentions.  It’s obvious your pastor is too far gone down the partisan rabbit hole to meet the needs of a congregation, fire him and find a healthy alternative.

Just the way it is…

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When your pastor tells you something in an unkind way, but justifies it by saying “that’s just the way it is”or “I’m just being honest”, remind him that the vast majority of people who make such a claim come across as assholes.  Fire your pastor and get a new community to invest yourself into.

Debunk….

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If you heard a message Sunday morning on the fallacies of carbon dating being used to try and debunk science from a biblical worldview to prove a slanted perspective, it’s time to fire your pastor.

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